I've always been subservient and passive. I date selfish men who do nothing for me. I underachieve when it comes to employment which never fails to land me the crappiest customer service jobs ever. Consequently, I end up leaving each job in less than a year. I have been uncertain about my future for half of a decade, always "going with the flow" to my own dismay. I have done nothing to make myself happy since my divorce and I'm pretty certain that if I don't act now I will never be a happy person. I seek adventure. I am twenty-three and have done absolutely nothing with my life. It's time to get up, stop serving people who don't deserve it and make myself happy because there is no one on this earth who can do that for me...especially not chemically imbalanced men.
It's not that I'm unhappy now. It's that there really is nothing here for me. I find this town to be an utter drag. A drag into a hole of mediocrity and trivial drama. And the people...GOD...the PEOPLE...I have only a few friends. Not that I am not social or find it hard to make friends, it's just that the caliber of people here is extremely low. You're either trash or you're snooty, there is no in between. The people I call my friends are only here by default. One of my friends I've known since I was 13 = default, but she moved away and doesn't think of me the same way (because her racist mother told her not to). There's a couple of guys I dated and they still have things for me = default. And then there's my ex husband who needs no explanation to be called default, he is my ex husband and we made amends. Which boils down to the fact that we were just too young and stupid to get married.
The only thing I would be leaving behind if I left would be my little girl mini-datschund, Pooba. I would miss her dearly and wouldn't trust her to just anyone. This is the only thought that pains me when I think about leaving.
And yes, I will leave. I've already made up my mind. Funny how I use the "if I left." This is a definite thing. There really is nothing keeping me here.
I've been working with a recruiter over the past few months. I'm really interested in becoming a cryptologic linguist. Hopefully airborne, but we'll see. Language has always been something I've been interested in, as is travelling...be it to a bad place or good.
Ugh! My thoughts are not cohesive! I'm really sick right now (probably pneumonia) and on a bunch of meds...I thought I would try to calm myself with this but it's just frustrating me! Maybe I should go lie down and elaborate later? Sounds good.
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